September 1st, 2007

Sick & Tired of Being Sick & Tired

WHY?! WHY?!?! WHY?!?!?!? Of course I get sick on a three-day weekend. Of course, god, karma you must hate me.

So, Thomas Wood made me cry Friday. I worried myself sick and then Stephen hasn't called me about EITHER note I gave him. Shit, double shit, triple shit. You know what? I don't care. Let him lose me; I'm sick of fighting for him to even see me. If he's not going to take up an active part of this relationship; than fuck it. Like everybody's been telling me. I FUCKING DESERVE BETTER.

I am sick of letting myself believe that because I haven't been really loved by an adult, that I don't deserve love. No more.

I love you, Stephen. You're my joy and my peace. My escape that which without, I would be lost again in the dark. But, I need more than what you're giving me. I can't live on just a look. . . I can you've been trying. . . but there's no emotion backing up your words. You really don't love me, do you? If you don't, then why do you say you do? I'm not asking for sex, that's a stupid way to prove to someone you love them. I'm asking for you to tell me your favorite color. . . you're opinion on things. I'm asking you for you. Undeluted. Fear is okay, this is new for both of us. But, I'm asking for trust.

SABER!! THANK YOU FOR THE BIRTHDAY PRESENT!!! I LOVE IT!!!

Love You Girls and Koi,
~Meg
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    Power For The People by Black Eyed Peas (John Lenon)